May I Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Yoga, and Changing My Mind

By Cyndi Lee

For all her knowledge as a instructor, Cyndi Lee understood intuitively that she nonetheless had much to profit. regardless of her good fortune in bodily challenging professions - dancer, choreographer, and yoga instructor - Lee used to be stuck in a lifelong cycle of repetitive self-judgment approximately her physique. rather than the unconventional contentment anticipated in foreign yoga academics, she realised that hating her physique used to be a sort of ache, which was once infecting her closest relationships - together with her dating to herself. encouraged through the honesty and vulnerability of her scholars, Lee launched into a trip of self-discovery that led her outward - from the sacred websites of the parched Indian geographical region to the guts of the 2011 earthquake in Japan - and inward, to hunt the information of clever girls, pals and strangers either. using the traditional Buddhist perform of loving-kindness meditation to herself, Lee discovered that compassion is the single antidote to hatred, thereby therapeutic her middle and altering her brain. With prose as agile because the yoga sequences she creates, may well I be at liberty offers voice to Lee's trust that each existence arises, abides, and eventually dissolves. by way of changing into her personal top pupil, Lee internalizes the energy, balance, and readability she imparts in her Buddhist-inspired yoga periods.

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I easily hadn’t famous the line that may lead out of my self-critical perfectionism till Jetsunma pointed it out. even if it got here to my marriage, my yoga studio, a request for a piece dedication, or a gathering with an worker, i began listening much more heavily to the sensations in my physique. whilst signs of pain arose, akin to a foul feeling in my belly or exhaustion for no sturdy cause, I practiced Maitri. I hardly ever acquired earlier the 1st slogans. “May I be secure” grew to become out to be even more powerful than I’d proposal. while I requested myself what it can take to make me consider secure, my query wasn’t approximately wanting actual defense in a depressing alley. I felt extra endangered in yes relationships, at domestic and at paintings. I imagined what it is going to appear like if I felt secure in these occasions, and simply doing that something was once this kind of large act of kindness to myself that every thing started to shift. It labored a similar method with “May I be fit. ” i began to acknowledge the bad behavior in my life—overworking, touring an excessive amount of, over-committing, and being concerned an excessive amount of approximately what other folks may possibly give some thought to me. I admitted to myself that i used to be scared of getting overbooked and finishing up with an ulcer like I had the yr earlier than. i used to be afraid to come to Tokyo. I had by no means desired to admit a majority of these fears prior to simply because i presumed that buffalo-ing via lifestyles intended i used to be robust and able. however it was once an enormous reduction to recognize what was once bad for me—a typical first step towards taking greater care of myself in each means. I rejoined the gymnasium, simply as I advised myself i might, which helped me sleep greater, which helped me devour higher, which made me think higher approximately myself. That outdated grumpy voice used to be the single factor now not being fed. As she started to dissolve, I had one other perception. crucial secure and fit surroundings used to be within my head. i used to be now not keen to stay in a spot the place the legislations stated I needed to be excellent. and that i was once unlikely to reside with a person who didn’t like me, appreciate me, or take right care of me, so I broke up with that person—the girl who hated her body—and made up our minds to develop into the type of individual I did are looking to reside with. discovering happiness and straightforwardness appeared to movement clearly from giving myself a warrantly of security, making the simplest shelter my very own brain. I felt extra secure residing with a self that loves me—warts and all. Louise Hay acknowledged, “Look within the reflect and say, ‘I love you. ’” one other favourite instructor of mine, Sakyong Mipham, acknowledged, “Look within the rest room reflect each morning and repeat 3 times, ‘It’s no longer approximately me. ’” Gelek Rimpoche stated, “Equanimity starts off with you. deal with your self larger. You can’t divide your self into components and hate one half and love another—both elements are you. ” I had come to gain that those phrases have been conveying a similar message. i used to be ill of being unhappy and mad approximately being betrayed yet i used to be additionally in poor health of pondering myself quite a bit. I understood that if I took right care of myself, i might even be caring for all people, together with my husband and my mother.

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