Serious Concerns

By Wendy Cope

Wendy Cope's first booklet of poems and parodies, Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis, went instantly into the bestseller lists. Its successor, critical matters has proved much more well known, addressing such issues as 'Bloody Men', 'Men and Their dull Arguments', 'Two treatments for Love', 'Kindness to Animals' and 'Tumps' (Typically lifeless Male Poets).

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Bertrand Russell. Maharishi. identify your goldfish After holy males and sages. it's applicable. ‘Look at the goldfish,’ say the Inkuwala, ‘And be at peace. ’ The Watatooki of Wideawake Bay Have a distinct asserting: ‘He who contemplates the goldfish Will develop wiser than a frog. ’ Albert Eames of Norwood Fish Society Believes that his goldfish, fortunate, Is a bringer of excellent fortune. ‘It’s a widely known fact,’ he says, ‘That many goldfish vendors in South London ‘Have gained prizes with their top rate Bonds. ’ The intercourse lifetime of the goldfish, it should be admitted, Is a little much less fascinating Than the mating of whales. in actual fact goldfish would not have a intercourse lifestyles. They breed with no actual touch, laying off hundreds and hundreds of sperms and eggs Into the water. countless numbers of sperms are attracted to every egg and every one attempts to bore its approach in the course of the shell yet just one succeeds in doing so. After fertilization, the egg faces large risks, together with the chance of being eaten via the very fish who gave it lifestyles. yet a few continue to exist. The fry swim. They consume. They develop. Their scales ripen to gold. they usually play. Like Buddhists, Goldfish are disinclined To get into an issue. they don't speak about rates of interest Or debate the ordination of girls. On those issues they appear to haven't any opinion. they like to play. Ludic, aureate creatures, Silently chanting, Om, looking at at fact with around, unblinking eyes. Water-angels, glinting within the sun. It’s noticeable that goldfish are greater than humans. Goldfish are higher than you. Roger Bear’s soccer Poems 3 cheers for Spurs! They beat Stoke! blissful I’m a soccer fan. blissful I’m a bloke. * Who beat Liverpool Then beat them back? Tottenham Hotspur – a number of actual males. * Tottenham misplaced and i'm unhappy. occasionally it’s tough Being a lad. * Spurs beat Newcastle, similar to I reckoned. Spurs are fantastic And now they're moment * Will they beat Εverton? We’ll need to see. Please get a price tag For Wendy and me. Roger Bear’s Philosophical Pantoum I stare on the ceiling. i glance very clever. Up with considering and feeling And stuff workout. i glance very clever – i adore mirrored image And stuff. workout? I desire introspection. i like mirrored image, Like previous Aristotle – I want introspection To hitting the bottle. Like previous Aristotle, I infrequently descend To hitting the bottle – My fingers won't bend. I hardly ever descend so far as the ground. My fingers won't bend – occasionally lifestyles is a bore. so far as the ground – a ways to fall. occasionally lifestyles is a bore. I stare upon the wall. a ways to fall – I remain at the duvet. I stare upon the wall, I strive against with guilt. I lie at the cover On my cozy mattress. I combat with guilt until eventually i'm fed. On my cozy mattress, I stare on the ceiling until eventually i'm fed Up with pondering and feeling. Hand-Rhymes for Grown-ups 1 The curb Here’s a head. Here’s a lower. pay attention conscientiously. What does he imagine? He thinks you’re loopy, A apprehensive smash. Say, ‘Thank you, doctor’, And write the cheque.

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