Taft 2012: A Novel

By Jason Heller

HE'S BACK.
AND he is the largest factor IN POLITICS.

He is the correct presidential candidate. Conservatives love his hard-hitting Republican résumé. Liberals love his peaceable, innovative practicality. The media can’t get sufficient of his larger-than-life character. And all of the American humans love that he’s a decent, hard-working guy who tells it love it is.

There’s only one challenge. he's William Howard Taft . . . and he was once already president 100 years in the past. So what in the world is he doing alive and good and contemplating a operating mate in 2012? 

A so much outstanding satire, Jason Heller’s debut novel follows the unusual new lifetime of a presidential Rip Van Winkle: a guy who by no means even sought after the White apartment within the first position, but reveals himself hurtling towards it as soon as more—this time, in the course of the media-fueled insanity of 21st-century America.

 

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All he may possibly locate to write down on used to be a wrapper. a few damned Fulsom confection or one other. His abdominal growled on the sight of it. He sighed. “Ah, definite, after which there’s that, eh, my fellow Tafts? You don’t need to fear approximately it. The stuff you’re every one made from isn’t elastic like this. ” He patted his stomach, nearly wistfully lacking its insulating heft. “It turns out the realm at the present time is stuffed with this, this Fulsom-type rubbish. We had sweet and fatty meals in our day. And for a guy of my admittedly safe if unostentatious capacity, I had entry to as a lot of it as i may cram down my gullet. And cram I did. Oh, how they used to hound me approximately it! all people, from my relatives to the click to the typical Cincinnatian. humans, I daresay, are greater on normal now than then. And but, way more humans nutrition and be aware of food at the present time than in my time. I don’t know it. It’s as though some of these nutrition items are designed particularly to addict parents to them. Why, once I vowed to prevent consuming whatever with the be aware Fulsom on it, between different issues, it’s as though my weight dropped magically. yet what of the remainder of the kingdom? Rachel is correct. As loath as i'm to grind executive opposed to trade, a few issues simply need to be regulated for the typical reliable. It’s no longer a belief, as we needed to deal with again in our day, however it still wishes busting. Or a minimum of curtailing. “But sufficient approximately me! What do you're thinking that, fellows? ” He wiggled the little Taft after which knocked a knuckle at the better, which rang hollowly. “Speak up! Don’t simply associate with what I say. Let’s argue the case like an excellent panel of judges, we could? in any case, haven’t we aspired to the ultimate courtroom all our lives? the following we stand, prior to a college of legislation, inside that's taught the heritage and rulings of that almost all august judicial physique. How did we get so sidetracked, previous boys? Weren’t we at the quickly music to appointment? Weren’t we promised on a couple of celebration that we’d get to that bench sometime, if in basic terms we’d do exactly this one little activity and that different little accountability? the final word irony used to be the day I, as president, needed to employ my first very best court docket pass judgement on. Me! determining the nominee after which turning in that honor to another individual. now not that Horace Lurton didn’t thoroughly deserve it again in 1910. yet then there has been Hughes. And Van Devanter. And Lamar. And Pitney. 5! All stated, I needed to placed 5 different males on that court docket. I would’ve given every thing I owned, every little thing I’d ever comprehensive, for the privilege of taking anyone in their locations. And but, here's the place I finish up. operating once again, for the 3rd time, for an workplace I by no means aspired to within the first position. If ever there has been facts that the author sneaks round in the back of our backs, striking over our shoulders, pulling the strings of our destiny for his personal enjoyment. …” simply then, Taft heard the delicate fall of footsteps at the back of him. Then the clearing of a throat. He circled to discover what gave the look of a professor leaning towards him, as hesitantly as though coming near near the final identified specimen of a species considered extinct.

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