Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

By Portia de Rossi

During this searing, unflinchingly sincere New York occasions bestseller, actress Portia de Rossi stocks the reality of her lengthy conflict to beat anorexia and bulimia whereas dwelling within the public eye, and information the hot happiness and overall healthiness she has present in fresh years—including her popping out and her marriage to Ellen DeGeneres.

Now in paperback, the New York Times bestselling memoir from Portia de Rossi explores the reality of her lengthy conflict to beat anorexia and bulimia—“an surprisingly clean and engrossing memoir of either Hollywood and glossy womanhood” ( Los Angeles Times, five stars).

during this groundbreaking memoir, Portia de Rossi unearths the discomfort and affliction that haunted her for many years, from the time she used to be a twelve-year-old woman operating as a version in Australia, via her early upward push to repute as a forged member of the hit tv exhibit Ally McBeal. all of the whereas terrified that the reality of her sexuality will be uncovered within the tabloids, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, placing her existence at risk and concealing from herself and everybody round her the seriousness of her illness.

She describes the flowery rituals round nutrition that got here to dominate hours of each day and explores the pivotal moments of her early life that set her at the highway to disease. She finds the heartache and worry that accompany a existence lived within the closet, a feeling of isolation that used to be simply magnified via her unrelenting wish to be ever thinner, ever extra in charge of her physique and the variety of energy she fed on and spent.

From her lowest aspect, Portia begun the painful climb again to a lifetime of wellbeing and fitness and honesty, falling in love and marrying Ellen DeGeneres and rising as an outspoken and articulate suggest for homosexual rights and women’s wellbeing and fitness matters. during this amazing and landmark ebook, she has given the realm a narrative that conjures up wish and nourishes the spirit.

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Half 15 I woke up TO an odd silence and shafts of sunshine stabbing into the room from the corners of the blinds. the sunshine carried hundreds of thousands of tiny dirt debris, which i suppose have been regularly there but basically now noticeable as a result soupy, thick air with its beams of sunshine illuminating them. i used to be eerily calm whilst I aroused from sleep. i used to be acutely aware that I had cried myself to sleep over the L’Oréal incident; my eye sockets felt misshapen and waterlogged, as if they can slightly continue my sore, dry eyes in my head. however it felt like I had cried for the final time. That i used to be by no means going to cry myself to sleep like that back. regardless of the heaviness of my head, with its headache and sinus strain, there has been a levity to it, a lightness to it, like every thing inside it that made the realm I lived in a spot of peace or a spot of torture, was once weightless—quiet, floating. I felt overtaken by means of a feeling of peace, via the sensation that this day used to be actually a brand new day. I acquired off the bed and instantly begun stretching. a strange factor for me to do, yet i wished to think my physique. i wished to “check in” with it, recognize it. As I stretched, there has been a undeniable love I gave to it, an appreciation for its muscle tissues straining and contracting. I cherished how it felt as I touched my feet and straightened my again. I felt like i used to be without notice self-contained. just like the solutions lay inside of me. Like my lifestyles was once approximately to be lived in the confines of my physique and could solution merely to it. I didn’t supply a shit what an individual considered me. As I stretched my hands out to the edges, I ran my hands throughout the beams of sunshine, cloudy with the dirt that swirled round my bed room. I observed the great thing about my messy bed room and inhaled the summer time air. all of the outfits I’d attempted on and discarded at the flooring sooner than going to my L’Oréal becoming have been taking a look up at me, pondering what they'd performed flawed. regardless of the mess and the airborne dirt and dust, it smelled candy and that i felt myself smiling as I inhaled. I cherished that scent. It used to be the odor of the imported Italian talc within the yellow plastic bottle that I had received to pamper myself yet purely now loved as talc and never a standing image. As I walked barefoot at the painted concrete flooring of my bed room towards the rest room scale I felt convinced that what i used to be approximately to determine may make me satisfied for the remainder of the day. I felt empty and light-weight and that i didn’t care how many the size informed me i used to be, this present day i used to be unlikely to outline myself by means of it. this day I knew that regardless of what it acknowledged, it was once unimportant. this day i might commence my new lifestyles. I had the reply to my difficulties. i might regularly be ready. i used to be approximately to make every little thing more straightforward. the size proven what I’d suspected. It learn a hundred thirty. the burden I had consistently back to irrespective of the hassle to get underneath it. some time past, this quantity had normally plummeted me into depression. It jogged my memory that it doesn't matter what I did, i'll by no means win—that my physique with its bones and its guts and its blood weighed in at what it felt cozy being as a residing organism with its personal wishes.

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